Why we visit the cemetery on Memorial Day Weekend

My son Samuel and I went for a walk in the cemetery yesterday to pay our respects to the veterans who've died for our country. We walked around and read several of the headstones and discussed the wars, and what these men and women fought for.

Sam has a great deal of respect and reverence for these men and women. Last week there was an assembly at his school for the servicemen killed in Vietnam. When I asked Sam about it he said that he was one of the few students to take it seriously. I understand this - a war thousands of miles away that began over fifty years ago doesn't mean much to a bunch of fifth-graders. But I was proud of him for taking it seriously and being respectful throughout the ceremony.

I think it's important for kids (and adults) to pay their respects to those who died while serving our country. For many of us, Memorial Day Weekend kicks off the summer season and is filled with parties and cookouts, but we should also remember take a little time to remember these fallen men and women.

Now, before you start thinking I'm a gung-ho conservative, it should be known that I also feel that it's important to be able to express our freedom and love for our country in different ways. One of our rights, one that illustrates the freedom our military fights for, is the right to protest.

And I don't mean those idiots who use protesting as an excuse to basically riot, to burn and loot property and businesses. And certainly not those who disrespect our servicemen and women. I mean those who use non-violent protest to try to bring about change because they love America.

I'm talking about those who protest because they love this country and want to see it get better. Those who protest unfair political decisions. Those who feel disgusted every time they see a homeless combat vet, or a veteran (or any United States citizen) who can't get proper health care. Those who protest certain wars because they realize that most wars take place for financial reasons. Sometimes war is necessary, but often it isn't. Personally, I believe that any politician who declares war, or votes in favor of war, should have to fight in that war. Then we'll see how strongly they really feel about it.

Military personnel give their lives to protect the rights of our citizens. We may not agree with each other, but we should respect each other's rights. Respect each other's freedom to show our love for America in different ways. The men and women that we remember today died for that freedom.

How to stop the acocado hand-slicing epidemic

I've seen several articles recently about avocados sending people to the emergency room. This interested me because I eat an avocado, tomato and cheese sandwich on toast almost every day for lunch. I wondered, are people getting sick from avocados? Am I next?

No, and no. People are going to the hospital because they are slicing their hands open while cutting the avocado. It sounds pretty minor, until you really think about how bad those cuts could be. Reading further, I found that many of the injuries are very bad, with people cutting nerves and tendons in their hands. I cut tendons and nerves in my hand when I was about 20 or 21, and it's no fun. Of course, I did it by falling on a beer bottle while drunk, and as they say, you can't fix stupid.

But you can stop the avocado hand-slicing epidemic with this simple, inexpensive tool:

Wicked fancy, ain't it? It's actually an avocado tool that my wife bought me a few months ago. It cost under $5 on Amazon.com. The bottom part, the part that looks like a knife? Well, it is a knife, and it slices through an avocado like a knife through buttah. BUT, it's plastic, it's not sharp and won't hurt your hand. You can run your finger right over it. Amazing. The middle part is for removing the seed, and the top end is to remove the avocado. For someone who eats avocado every day, it's probably the most important utensil in the kitchen.

So this is my public service announcement to those who love avocados like I do. Seriously, I think hospitals should stock them and hand them out to people who come in with avocado-related injuries. Of course, they'd probably end up charging $800 for it, so maybe you're better off to look for one online and avoid the hospital altogether.

Happy Freezing Cold Mother's Day

My wife got a couple of big plants for Mother's Day - a rose bush and some other flowery thing that looks really nice. As you can probably guess, I don't know what it's called.

If the weather was nice we'd have gotten the rose bush in the ground today. Unfortunately, we live in Maine. The temperature reached a balmy 45 degrees and the rain was heavy only about 75 percent of the day. So needless to say, the plants will stay in our dining room for a couple of days. We are actually supposed to see the sun this week, with a high temperature of close to 90 on Wednesday. From one extreme to another, I guess.

I've had three pieces published in the past few weeks. First is this column in the Sanford News, which is about how marriage proposals, which have always been personal, intimate moments, are now out there for the world to see on Facebook and YouTube. People now express their desire to spend the rest of their lives with someone on the giant scoreboard at baseball games. Ask the guy who proposed that way at Fenway Park a couple of weeks ago how that turned out.

Then there is a piece published on Her View From Home, titled Things New Fathers Can't Prepare For. It's about - you guessed it - things new fathers can't prepare for, such as the nervousness you feel during that long drive to deliver the little package home from the hospital. I think it's pretty good, check it out and let me know what you think.

And my most recent publication is What Happened After My Son Dropped Out Of College, which was posted on Grown and Flown today. I'm sorry to say that it isn't exactly a happy, sappy story, but it's one that I think a lot of parents can relate to.

Bob Ross, the drug-free way to relax and fall asleep

Earlier this week I was lying in bed, looking through Netflix to find something to watch. Then I saw "Bob Ross: Beauty is Everywhere". I think the series is made up of select episodes from his old  "Joy of Painting" Series.

Right, that's him. The guy who paints Happy Trees and says there are no mistakes, only happy accidents. I told my wife that we should watch Bob Ross because nothing is more relaxing than watching him paint. It had been over 20 years since I'd watched him on PBS, but I remember falling asleep on the couch during his show. My wife wasn't interested.

Then my son Samuel came in to say goodnight. He has trouble getting to sleep and is always trying new ways to relax at bedtime - meditation, breathing exercises, listening to spa music, etc. I told him to watch this show with me, it's the most relaxing show in the world. He climbed into bed between us and loved it. Along with repeatedly saying, "Wow, he's amazing", by the end of the show Sam was almost asleep.

Now it's become his bedtime routine - he goes into our room and watches an episode of Bob Ross on Netflix. We laugh at the things he says - "Beat the devil out of it" when he cleans his brushes is Sam's favorite. My favorite is when he says "Let's get crazy" in a calm, soft tone.  By the end of an episode Sam's struggling to keep his eyes open, and then he goes to his bed. The funny thing is, my wife's been watching it with us and has fallen asleep before the episode is over a couple of times.

So for anyone having trouble getting to sleep or just wanting to relax, before reaching for that bottle of sleeping pills or any of that other harmful stuff, trying watching Bob Ross. After just one half hour episode, you'll probably be asleep and dreaming of happy trees. As Bob Ross says, there's nothing wrong with having a tree as a friend.

Bruce Robert Coffin - Adding to my signed book collection

A couple of nights ago I went to see Bruce Robert Coffin at the local library, Goodall Library. He's the author of Among The Shadows, which I read last month and really enjoyed. It's a crime/mystery story and takes place in Portland, Maine. A local setting always makes it more interesting, which is why so many Mainers love Stephen King. Well, people from everywhere love Stephen King, but still. We really love him.

The presentation was really good. I'd never actually been to see an author speak about his book. Bruce Coffin was really good, a confident, natural speaker. The type of guy that takes a question and speaks for the next 20 minutes and finishes up on a completely different topic, yet keeps it interesting. And I got a signed copy of his first book, of course.

I now have books signed by Stephen King, Richard Russo, Michael Chabon, Adam West, and Bruce Robert Coffin. Quite a varied collection, which I hopefully will continue to add to.

I've had a couple essays accepted for publication this week - one for Submittable which won't be published until June, another for Her View From Home, which will be published in May. In the meantime, I'm struggling with my next novel. I've written about 10,000 words but I may start all over. It's good, but it doesn't seem quite right yet.

And I'm thinking of writing a fifth Lettahs From Maine book, all Maine poems. Poems From Maine. Also thinking of doing a Lettahs From Maine podcast or vlog, but these are just ideas and I don't have the knowledge to do either one. I suppose I could learn. Or find someone smart to do it for me.

Writing (or not writing) when the weather is nice

It's been difficult getting anything done this week because the weather has been so nice. After a long Maine winter 50 degrees would seem tropical, but it went from the 20's to the 80's in about a week. Almost all the snow is gone, which is great. The problem is that my office is in the basement, with very little natural light and the bright fluorescent lights and cold dampness. It's nice and cool during the summer, but this week I really wanted to enjoy the sunshine and warmth. So my office didn't get much use.

I had a short story published a couple of weeks ago by Artificium, a UK publication. The story is "Tipping Headstones", about two teenagers who get drunk one night and tip over headstones in a cemetery. One of them forgets his sweatshirt and goes back for it the next day, where he is confronted by the cemetery caretaker. It's hard for me to believe but I wrote it about a year ago, and I remember thinking it was the best short story I'd written in a long time. I can't put a link to it because it is only available in print, so just take my word for it when I say it's good.

Last night I finished reading "Harry Potter and the Cursed Child", which my son Samuel really wanted me to read. It was excellent, as are all the Harry Potter books. I was hesitant to read it - I didn't like the idea of continuing the story when it had ended so perfectly - but I think it was well done.

How we exercise in Maine during the wintah

It's not easy to stay in shape during a Maine winter. Yes, we get exercise by shoveling and trudging through the high snow. But as far as going for walks or runs or any of that other fun stuff we can do during the summer, good luck. You'll either slip on the ice and break your hip or get pneumonia because it's so cold. We exercise to stay healthy, and getting injured or sick is not healthy.

Now some people might say I'm being a wimp. Plenty of other people ski and snowshoe and find ways to stay active outdoors in the winter. Good for them. I don't like cold. It's that simple. My son is the same way. I know some parents force their kids to go outside. My mother used to lock us out of the house for hours during the winter. Let me tell you, mittens get awfully cold when they get wet and freeze over. Like having icicles on your hands.

I won't do that to my son. He's like me - he'd rather stay inside and read than go out in the snow. So we bought a treadmill, plus there are exercise routines online that he likes to do. Here's how we get our exercise during the winter:

But spring is coming, and soon we'll get outside for some exercise. And we are supposed to get a big snowstorm next week, so we'll get a lot of exercise shoveling out from that.

I've had a couple of things published in the past few weeks - a column in the Sanford News about how bad health care has gotten, and a post on Grown and Flown about my son leaving college and moving back home.

Right now I'm reading George Carlin's Last Words. I read it when it first came out, it's pretty good. I'm thinking about starting Stephen King's Dark Tower series next. I don't know, though. People seem to like it but it doesn't sound interesting to me at all. So maybe I shouldn't read it.

Lewis Black show at the Merrill Auditorium in Portland, Maine

This past weekend my wife and I went to the big city of Portland, Maine and saw Lewis Black at the Merrill Auditorium.

This was a big night for us because we rarely get to go out. And we love the Merrill Auditorium, although we haven't been there together since 2009 to see Bill Cosby. That tells you how rarely we go out. We also saw Cosby there in 2006. And, funnily, the people sitting next to us said that the last time they'd been to the Merrill Auditorium was to see Bill Cosby.Things didn't work out very well, at least for Bill Cosby. But I'll admit, he was really funny.

Our seats for Lewis Black were up in the balcony, second row from the back. Sounds terrible, but the great thing about the Merrill Auditorium is that you can see perfectly from every seat. I really don't think there's a bad seat in the house. The only problem is that the amount of stairs you need to climb to reach the balcony would tire out a triathlete. And the only bathrooms are on the ground floor. Not the best setup.

Lewis Black was very funny. I like his delivery, the anger building up until he explodes. I'm not a very political person, but I knew enough to be familiar with everything he talked about. My wife is not political at all, prefers to not know anything, and I think she laughed more than I did. The best part of his show, in my opinion, was near the end, when he talked about Portland while doing a live internet feed.

So that was our exciting Saturday night. Hopefully we won't have to wait another eight years before we get to see another concert or show again.

A few thoughts on the Patriots - Steelers Game

Here are a few thoughts from last night's game:

• Bill Belichick is a great coach, the best in the game. Not only because of his game strategy, but because he takes average players and gets the absolute most out of them. His teams play with discipline, as a team instead of as individuals. I think that's the key to his success. Take any player out of the equation and he replaces him and continues to win. They lose Gronk, they win. Take out Brady, they win. And so on.
• Terry Bradshaw was right - Mike Tomlin is not a great coach. His teams sometimes lack discipline and his game plans are very questionable. I don't think discipline was a problem last night, though; I think poor strategy was. He must be a good coach, because he's reached two Super Bowls, but he's had really good teams. Once again, he was completely outcoached by Belichick. I don't think that will ever change.
• The NFL needs to change its rules and allow the quarterback and receivers to get hit. I don't know what I'm watching, but it isn't football. How can a quarterback not throw for 300 yards with these rules? When teams can win with almost no running plays, that's not football. When a receiver gets hit, or touched, and a penalty is called, that's not football. Every passing record that gets broken in modern times is meaningless and should come with an asterisk.
• Speaking of rule changes, stop letting receivers wear gloves. They're all like Spider-Man out there, reaching out with one hand and making amazing catches because the ball sticks to the glove like glue. And yet, some of them still manage to drop the ball. Again, how can records not get broken when the quarterback can't be hit, the receivers can't get hit, and they wear Spider-Man gloves?
• Tom Brady is very good, but I think he's greatly benefitted from today's rules, as well as from his coach and system. He's very accurate. But see how Brady flinches every time someone gets close to him? I believe if you swap him and Aaron Rodgers, Rodgers with the Patriots would win a Super Bowl almost ever year while Brady would have the nervous system of Barney Fife after getting knocked around like a piñata in Green Bay. Every time he's out, Belichick replaces him with an average or below-average quarterback and just keeps on winning. But, no matter what anyone thinks about him as a quarterback, Brady appears to be a genuinely nice guy and a fantastic role model, which really is more important than anything that happens on the field. 
• I like Ben Roethlisberger because he's a good clutch quarterback, extremely tough, and could have played back when quarterbacks got hit. He is not a really good quarterback on the level of Brady or Aaron Rodgers. Still, aside from Rodgers, I think Big Ben is who I'd want leading my team because of his toughness.
• I miss Troy Polamalu. That guy was so fun to watch.
• The Patriots are not a dynasty, no matter how many times Phil Simms says they are. Winning 1 Super Bowl in the past 12 years, which is what the Patriots have done, does not make you a dynasty. The best regular season team in the league, yes. But not a dynasty.

Several weeks ago I predicted that the Patriots would win the Super Bowl, and it looks like I may be right. The only good thing about this is that I usually get a good chuckle out of Belichick's press conferences. I love the way he handles reporters, especially when they ask stupid questions. No one since Steven Wright has gotten so many laughs (from me, at least) from such a deadpan delivery.

So congratulations to Patriots fans - you have the best coach in the game, you play together as a team and deserved to win last night. As for us Steelers fans, we'll dry our tears with our Terrible Towels and hope that some changes are made.

Dear Adam West...

My birthday was a couple of weeks ago, and among my gifts from my wife were two books that I really wanted:

I'm looking forward to reading the Norm MacDonald book. The latest episode of Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee has him in it, and I had tears in my eyes from laughing when I watched it last night.

The other book, Back to the Batcave, is one I've wanted for a long time. My wife got it on Amazon, but then I mentioned that I was going to read it, sell it, and then buy a signed copy on Adamwest.com. So then she bought me a signed copy, which I'm glad she told me before I ordered one. But, I supposed there's nothing wrong with having two copies of Adam West's signed book.

Last night, I did something I've never done before: I wrote a letter to a celebrity. I felt like Marcia Brady writing to Davy Jones. I sent an email to the Adam West site telling him how much my son and I like Batman and that I'm enjoying his book. I included a link to a newspaper column I wrote about Batman three years ago, mentioning that it got picked up by MeTV.

Now, I don't expect to hear back from Adam West, and I certainly don't expect him to stop by my  house like Davy Jones did on the Brady Bunch. But it would be pretty cool if he did.