What we Mainahs call a dustin'

I'm writing this from beneath four feet of snow. If you don't believe me, take a look at my house:

Right now I'm in my office, located in the basement. So, as you can see, I really am under four feet of snow. We made the national news this week for getting the most snow from the blizzard. And this picture doesn't show the three feet of snow on parts of my roof. At least the driveway is clear.

I have a couple of book updates. First, I'm giving away two signed copies of Rock Star on Goodreads. You can enter to win until February 14. How can you get to the page to enter? I'm not sure. You can go to Goodreads.com and look for my book and go from there. I know, I'm not a lot of help.

The other book update is that I've finished writing Love Lettahs From Maine. I'm now working on the book cover. I'd hoped to have it published by Valentine's Day for all you wicked romantic types out theya, but I'm not sure if that will happen. It'll be close. To hold you over until then, here's a sample of what you'll get:

This is owa fihst Valentine’s day in owa new home. I’m wicked glad, too. You know I like carryin you ovah the threshold into the bedroom every Valentine’s day, and that was a wicked pissah when you got wedged hahd in the dowaway last yeeya. Them dowaways was wicked narrow in that appahtment. Theya okay in the summah but not in the wintah when you put on that extra layah owa two of wintah fat. The guys from the fiya depahtment was wicked good about it, said they see it all the time around heeya. I aint suprised, with all the narrow dowaways in these apahtments. Nothin I hate mowa than an incompetent buildah. Probly a Masshole. Any Mainah knows that when you build you gotta plan ahead fowa wintah fat! Lucky that spray can of WD40 was almost full owa they mighta nevah gotten you unstuck.

Yes, there's nothing better than reading about love and romance on a cold winter night. So start saving your pennies now so you can afford the .99 Kindle version.

I'm off to make s'mores in the fireplace and then watch Batman on MeTV. Not a bad way to spend Saturday night when buried in snow.

Rock Star book giveaway on Goodreads

Big news: I'm going to give away 2 signed copies of Rock Star on Goodreads.  I think the giveaway starts tomorrow and runs for 3 weeks, and it's free to enter. I suppose I should know more about this.  I'll have more information in my next post, hopefully.

Because I live in New England and the Super Bowl is approaching, I'm going to write a little about the Patriots. I'll keep it brief: I am not a Patriots fan. I read an article this week where a writer said he was wrong for saying in September that the Patriots dynasty was over. What he was actually wrong about was calling the Patriots a dynasty. If you haven't won a Super Bowl in 10 years, you are not a dynasty. If you make it to the Super Bowl twice in 10 years and lose both times, you are not a dynasty.

Okay, enough of that. It's been snowing all day, but the good news is that spring arrives in less than 2 months! It's a good day to read or watch a bunch of shows on Netflix. So why aren't I doing that? I guess because I had to complain about the Patriots. If you want an example of wasting time on something that in no way affects one's life, now you have it. 

Lazy boy in a La-Z-Boy

My birthday was last week and I had a great day. Got a new LL Bean jacket (fowa them wicked cold wintah days) and a recliner, which gives me yet another excuse to avoid writing. I sat in my new recliner and watched a few movies this week. I can see that this is going to be a very, very comfortable way to waste time.

I may look thoughtful, but I'm just trying to decide which movie to watch next.

So, speaking of my birthday, my column in last week's Sanford News was about my birthday and the 10-year anniversary of my first date with my wife. It's a good column, in my completely biased opinion. 10 years together. Wow. A wife, kids, a house, and now my very own recliner. I'm feeling very domesticated.

I've almost finished writing the first draft of Love Lettahs From Maine. How can I tell the difference between the first draft and the finished product, you may ask? Well, it ain't easy, mistah! I'm really enjoying writing it, though. Here is just a sample of the beautiful prose you'll find inside the book:

I know I come off like some big stud with my collection of deeya heads and rifles in my bedroom at Ma’s house, but I aint nevah mated with a real woman befowa. I’m glad we decided to wait, of cawse, but sometimes when I’m with you I feel like a bull moose during ruttin season.

Ah, yes, romance is certainly in the air up here in Maine. When can you get your hands on Love Lettahs From Maine? Hahd sayin, not knowin. But soon.

Bit nippy up heeya in Maine, yessah!

It is really cold here in Maine. -5 to -15 degrees tonight. Someone (my father) told me today that it wasn't too bad outside, warm compared to yesterday. You know someone is a true Mainer when they describe 15 degrees as warm. Everything is covered in a sheet of ice. I've driven into the same snowbank on my street twice this week.

Here's my Christmas column from the Sanford News. It was on the front page of the newspaper, along with two other columns. I didn't like the column when I wrote it, but a lot of people have told me they like it so I assume they know what they are talking about. Normally I think I know more than everyone, unless they are complimenting me.

I just finished reading Olive Kitteridge, by Elizabeth Strout. It was excellent, really well done. It's a book I never would have considered reading and am glad I did. I think I'll begin another Carl Hiaason novel tonight. He's the funniest writer around today, in my opinion. Excluding myself, of course.

I'm writing a new Lettahs From Maine book, Love Lettahs From Maine. I'm laughing while writing it, which is a good sign. I hope to have it finished and published by February because Valentine's Day is in February, and nothing says romance better than Love Lettahs.

Becoming an Internet Sensation in Cloudy Maine

You know the song that says, "The sun will come out, tomorrow"? It wasn't written in Maine. The sun has not been out all week, and the forecast says that it will be Saturday before the sun makes an appearance. So stick it, Annie.

Sorry. Just had to let that out. Anyway, not much is new on the writing front. This is the first time in four years that I haven't written a novel. I've written a quarter of two novels, but I don't think that counts. All that changes next year, though. I have ideas for three Lettahs From Maine books and I will write at least one novel, too.

Two of my books - Rock Star and Lettahs From Maine - are now available at my local library. I wish I was better at marketing - doing the book signings and all that - but I can't think of many things worse than sitting at a table, signing books in front of people. Maybe I can become an internet sensation, like Dane Cook. Except good.

I just finished reading To Kill a Mockingbird. What a great book, my all-time favorite. I'm now reading Bad Monkey, by Carl Hiaasen. I think it's the fourth Hiaasen book I've read this year. He's really, really funny. Plus, every time I see his name I think of the old Doors song (are there any new ones?) - Hyacinth House. "What are they doing in the Hyacinth House?" That's the one.

Watched Rudolph last night. As good as always, although I still am not sure if his name is Hermie or Herbie.

Stephen King Revival Book Signing

I took my son Sam to a Stephen King book signing in Portland on Monday. He was signing his new book, Revival, and they only gave out 400 tickets. It was very much like an assembly line - you stand in a very long line, when you begin to get close they tell you to turn your book to the title page, then you hand it to an assistant, and by the time you stand in front of him, he's already signing your book. Here's what we got:

He did speak to us, though, and he didn't speak to many people. He glanced down at Sam as he was signing and said, "This is like being a kid and being punished by having to write your name 500 times." Then he looked at Sam and asked, "What grade are you in, son?" So that was cool.

I can't wait until my books make the bestseller lists. Then I, too, will be able to make people do ridiculous things like standing in long lines just to meet me for 5 seconds.

Kissing is Key to a Happy Marriage

Yes, my November column in the Sanford News is titled, "Kissing is Key to a Happy Marriage". It's about kissing, if you were wondering. If you enjoy kissing, or know somebody who does, you may be interested in reading this column.

I got the new Stephen King book, Revival, and a ticket to his book signing next Monday at Books A Million in Portland, Maine. They only gave out 400, I believe. We got to the store at around 6:30am and there were already about 150 people there. Some people slept overnight. Normally, I'm not the type to sit in the cold like an idiot, but it was fun. I saw the sun rise, which is very rare. Well, it's not rare for the sun to rise, but it's rare that I see it. Below is the list of rules for the book signing.

Kind of blurry, I know. And that is not a stain on the photo - my camera lens does that. But the list says that there are no selfies, and non-flash photos can be taken from a designated area. They take us inside in groups every 15 minutes. Stephen King will not do a speech, will only sign Revival, and will not personalize the book. It's like a military operation. Actually, it's like getting soup from the Soup Nazi. But I imagine that Stephen King gets sick of everyone yakking his ear off, and he must have some really weird fans. So it's understandable, and I'm looking forward to getting my book signed.