Why we visit the cemetery on Memorial Day Weekend

My son Samuel and I went for a walk in the cemetery yesterday to pay our respects to the veterans who've died for our country. We walked around and read several of the headstones and discussed the wars, and what these men and women fought for.

Sam has a great deal of respect and reverence for these men and women. Last week there was an assembly at his school for the servicemen killed in Vietnam. When I asked Sam about it he said that he was one of the few students to take it seriously. I understand this - a war thousands of miles away that began over fifty years ago doesn't mean much to a bunch of fifth-graders. But I was proud of him for taking it seriously and being respectful throughout the ceremony.

I think it's important for kids (and adults) to pay their respects to those who died while serving our country. For many of us, Memorial Day Weekend kicks off the summer season and is filled with parties and cookouts, but we should also remember take a little time to remember these fallen men and women.

Now, before you start thinking I'm a gung-ho conservative, it should be known that I also feel that it's important to be able to express our freedom and love for our country in different ways. One of our rights, one that illustrates the freedom our military fights for, is the right to protest.

And I don't mean those idiots who use protesting as an excuse to basically riot, to burn and loot property and businesses. And certainly not those who disrespect our servicemen and women. I mean those who use non-violent protest to try to bring about change because they love America.

I'm talking about those who protest because they love this country and want to see it get better. Those who protest unfair political decisions. Those who feel disgusted every time they see a homeless combat vet, or a veteran (or any United States citizen) who can't get proper health care. Those who protest certain wars because they realize that most wars take place for financial reasons. Sometimes war is necessary, but often it isn't. Personally, I believe that any politician who declares war, or votes in favor of war, should have to fight in that war. Then we'll see how strongly they really feel about it.

Military personnel give their lives to protect the rights of our citizens. We may not agree with each other, but we should respect each other's rights. Respect each other's freedom to show our love for America in different ways. The men and women that we remember today died for that freedom.

How to stop the acocado hand-slicing epidemic

I've seen several articles recently about avocados sending people to the emergency room. This interested me because I eat an avocado, tomato and cheese sandwich on toast almost every day for lunch. I wondered, are people getting sick from avocados? Am I next?

No, and no. People are going to the hospital because they are slicing their hands open while cutting the avocado. It sounds pretty minor, until you really think about how bad those cuts could be. Reading further, I found that many of the injuries are very bad, with people cutting nerves and tendons in their hands. I cut tendons and nerves in my hand when I was about 20 or 21, and it's no fun. Of course, I did it by falling on a beer bottle while drunk, and as they say, you can't fix stupid.

But you can stop the avocado hand-slicing epidemic with this simple, inexpensive tool:

Wicked fancy, ain't it? It's actually an avocado tool that my wife bought me a few months ago. It cost under $5 on Amazon.com. The bottom part, the part that looks like a knife? Well, it is a knife, and it slices through an avocado like a knife through buttah. BUT, it's plastic, it's not sharp and won't hurt your hand. You can run your finger right over it. Amazing. The middle part is for removing the seed, and the top end is to remove the avocado. For someone who eats avocado every day, it's probably the most important utensil in the kitchen.

So this is my public service announcement to those who love avocados like I do. Seriously, I think hospitals should stock them and hand them out to people who come in with avocado-related injuries. Of course, they'd probably end up charging $800 for it, so maybe you're better off to look for one online and avoid the hospital altogether.

Happy Freezing Cold Mother's Day

My wife got a couple of big plants for Mother's Day - a rose bush and some other flowery thing that looks really nice. As you can probably guess, I don't know what it's called.

If the weather was nice we'd have gotten the rose bush in the ground today. Unfortunately, we live in Maine. The temperature reached a balmy 45 degrees and the rain was heavy only about 75 percent of the day. So needless to say, the plants will stay in our dining room for a couple of days. We are actually supposed to see the sun this week, with a high temperature of close to 90 on Wednesday. From one extreme to another, I guess.

I've had three pieces published in the past few weeks. First is this column in the Sanford News, which is about how marriage proposals, which have always been personal, intimate moments, are now out there for the world to see on Facebook and YouTube. People now express their desire to spend the rest of their lives with someone on the giant scoreboard at baseball games. Ask the guy who proposed that way at Fenway Park a couple of weeks ago how that turned out.

Then there is a piece published on Her View From Home, titled Things New Fathers Can't Prepare For. It's about - you guessed it - things new fathers can't prepare for, such as the nervousness you feel during that long drive to deliver the little package home from the hospital. I think it's pretty good, check it out and let me know what you think.

And my most recent publication is What Happened After My Son Dropped Out Of College, which was posted on Grown and Flown today. I'm sorry to say that it isn't exactly a happy, sappy story, but it's one that I think a lot of parents can relate to.

Bob Ross, the drug-free way to relax and fall asleep

Earlier this week I was lying in bed, looking through Netflix to find something to watch. Then I saw "Bob Ross: Beauty is Everywhere". I think the series is made up of select episodes from his old  "Joy of Painting" Series.

Right, that's him. The guy who paints Happy Trees and says there are no mistakes, only happy accidents. I told my wife that we should watch Bob Ross because nothing is more relaxing than watching him paint. It had been over 20 years since I'd watched him on PBS, but I remember falling asleep on the couch during his show. My wife wasn't interested.

Then my son Samuel came in to say goodnight. He has trouble getting to sleep and is always trying new ways to relax at bedtime - meditation, breathing exercises, listening to spa music, etc. I told him to watch this show with me, it's the most relaxing show in the world. He climbed into bed between us and loved it. Along with repeatedly saying, "Wow, he's amazing", by the end of the show Sam was almost asleep.

Now it's become his bedtime routine - he goes into our room and watches an episode of Bob Ross on Netflix. We laugh at the things he says - "Beat the devil out of it" when he cleans his brushes is Sam's favorite. My favorite is when he says "Let's get crazy" in a calm, soft tone.  By the end of an episode Sam's struggling to keep his eyes open, and then he goes to his bed. The funny thing is, my wife's been watching it with us and has fallen asleep before the episode is over a couple of times.

So for anyone having trouble getting to sleep or just wanting to relax, before reaching for that bottle of sleeping pills or any of that other harmful stuff, trying watching Bob Ross. After just one half hour episode, you'll probably be asleep and dreaming of happy trees. As Bob Ross says, there's nothing wrong with having a tree as a friend.

Bruce Robert Coffin - Adding to my signed book collection

A couple of nights ago I went to see Bruce Robert Coffin at the local library, Goodall Library. He's the author of Among The Shadows, which I read last month and really enjoyed. It's a crime/mystery story and takes place in Portland, Maine. A local setting always makes it more interesting, which is why so many Mainers love Stephen King. Well, people from everywhere love Stephen King, but still. We really love him.

The presentation was really good. I'd never actually been to see an author speak about his book. Bruce Coffin was really good, a confident, natural speaker. The type of guy that takes a question and speaks for the next 20 minutes and finishes up on a completely different topic, yet keeps it interesting. And I got a signed copy of his first book, of course.

I now have books signed by Stephen King, Richard Russo, Michael Chabon, Adam West, and Bruce Robert Coffin. Quite a varied collection, which I hopefully will continue to add to.

I've had a couple essays accepted for publication this week - one for Submittable which won't be published until June, another for Her View From Home, which will be published in May. In the meantime, I'm struggling with my next novel. I've written about 10,000 words but I may start all over. It's good, but it doesn't seem quite right yet.

And I'm thinking of writing a fifth Lettahs From Maine book, all Maine poems. Poems From Maine. Also thinking of doing a Lettahs From Maine podcast or vlog, but these are just ideas and I don't have the knowledge to do either one. I suppose I could learn. Or find someone smart to do it for me.

Writing (or not writing) when the weather is nice

It's been difficult getting anything done this week because the weather has been so nice. After a long Maine winter 50 degrees would seem tropical, but it went from the 20's to the 80's in about a week. Almost all the snow is gone, which is great. The problem is that my office is in the basement, with very little natural light and the bright fluorescent lights and cold dampness. It's nice and cool during the summer, but this week I really wanted to enjoy the sunshine and warmth. So my office didn't get much use.

I had a short story published a couple of weeks ago by Artificium, a UK publication. The story is "Tipping Headstones", about two teenagers who get drunk one night and tip over headstones in a cemetery. One of them forgets his sweatshirt and goes back for it the next day, where he is confronted by the cemetery caretaker. It's hard for me to believe but I wrote it about a year ago, and I remember thinking it was the best short story I'd written in a long time. I can't put a link to it because it is only available in print, so just take my word for it when I say it's good.

Last night I finished reading "Harry Potter and the Cursed Child", which my son Samuel really wanted me to read. It was excellent, as are all the Harry Potter books. I was hesitant to read it - I didn't like the idea of continuing the story when it had ended so perfectly - but I think it was well done.

How we exercise in Maine during the wintah

It's not easy to stay in shape during a Maine winter. Yes, we get exercise by shoveling and trudging through the high snow. But as far as going for walks or runs or any of that other fun stuff we can do during the summer, good luck. You'll either slip on the ice and break your hip or get pneumonia because it's so cold. We exercise to stay healthy, and getting injured or sick is not healthy.

Now some people might say I'm being a wimp. Plenty of other people ski and snowshoe and find ways to stay active outdoors in the winter. Good for them. I don't like cold. It's that simple. My son is the same way. I know some parents force their kids to go outside. My mother used to lock us out of the house for hours during the winter. Let me tell you, mittens get awfully cold when they get wet and freeze over. Like having icicles on your hands.

I won't do that to my son. He's like me - he'd rather stay inside and read than go out in the snow. So we bought a treadmill, plus there are exercise routines online that he likes to do. Here's how we get our exercise during the winter:

But spring is coming, and soon we'll get outside for some exercise. And we are supposed to get a big snowstorm next week, so we'll get a lot of exercise shoveling out from that.

I've had a couple of things published in the past few weeks - a column in the Sanford News about how bad health care has gotten, and a post on Grown and Flown about my son leaving college and moving back home.

Right now I'm reading George Carlin's Last Words. I read it when it first came out, it's pretty good. I'm thinking about starting Stephen King's Dark Tower series next. I don't know, though. People seem to like it but it doesn't sound interesting to me at all. So maybe I shouldn't read it.

Lewis Black show at the Merrill Auditorium in Portland, Maine

This past weekend my wife and I went to the big city of Portland, Maine and saw Lewis Black at the Merrill Auditorium.

This was a big night for us because we rarely get to go out. And we love the Merrill Auditorium, although we haven't been there together since 2009 to see Bill Cosby. That tells you how rarely we go out. We also saw Cosby there in 2006. And, funnily, the people sitting next to us said that the last time they'd been to the Merrill Auditorium was to see Bill Cosby.Things didn't work out very well, at least for Bill Cosby. But I'll admit, he was really funny.

Our seats for Lewis Black were up in the balcony, second row from the back. Sounds terrible, but the great thing about the Merrill Auditorium is that you can see perfectly from every seat. I really don't think there's a bad seat in the house. The only problem is that the amount of stairs you need to climb to reach the balcony would tire out a triathlete. And the only bathrooms are on the ground floor. Not the best setup.

Lewis Black was very funny. I like his delivery, the anger building up until he explodes. I'm not a very political person, but I knew enough to be familiar with everything he talked about. My wife is not political at all, prefers to not know anything, and I think she laughed more than I did. The best part of his show, in my opinion, was near the end, when he talked about Portland while doing a live internet feed.

So that was our exciting Saturday night. Hopefully we won't have to wait another eight years before we get to see another concert or show again.

A few thoughts on the Patriots - Steelers Game

Here are a few thoughts from last night's game:

• Bill Belichick is a great coach, the best in the game. Not only because of his game strategy, but because he takes average players and gets the absolute most out of them. His teams play with discipline, as a team instead of as individuals. I think that's the key to his success. Take any player out of the equation and he replaces him and continues to win. They lose Gronk, they win. Take out Brady, they win. And so on.
• Terry Bradshaw was right - Mike Tomlin is not a great coach. His teams sometimes lack discipline and his game plans are very questionable. I don't think discipline was a problem last night, though; I think poor strategy was. He must be a good coach, because he's reached two Super Bowls, but he's had really good teams. Once again, he was completely outcoached by Belichick. I don't think that will ever change.
• The NFL needs to change its rules and allow the quarterback and receivers to get hit. I don't know what I'm watching, but it isn't football. How can a quarterback not throw for 300 yards with these rules? When teams can win with almost no running plays, that's not football. When a receiver gets hit, or touched, and a penalty is called, that's not football. Every passing record that gets broken in modern times is meaningless and should come with an asterisk.
• Speaking of rule changes, stop letting receivers wear gloves. They're all like Spider-Man out there, reaching out with one hand and making amazing catches because the ball sticks to the glove like glue. And yet, some of them still manage to drop the ball. Again, how can records not get broken when the quarterback can't be hit, the receivers can't get hit, and they wear Spider-Man gloves?
• Tom Brady is very good, but I think he's greatly benefitted from today's rules, as well as from his coach and system. He's very accurate. But see how Brady flinches every time someone gets close to him? I believe if you swap him and Aaron Rodgers, Rodgers with the Patriots would win a Super Bowl almost ever year while Brady would have the nervous system of Barney Fife after getting knocked around like a piñata in Green Bay. Every time he's out, Belichick replaces him with an average or below-average quarterback and just keeps on winning. But, no matter what anyone thinks about him as a quarterback, Brady appears to be a genuinely nice guy and a fantastic role model, which really is more important than anything that happens on the field. 
• I like Ben Roethlisberger because he's a good clutch quarterback, extremely tough, and could have played back when quarterbacks got hit. He is not a really good quarterback on the level of Brady or Aaron Rodgers. Still, aside from Rodgers, I think Big Ben is who I'd want leading my team because of his toughness.
• I miss Troy Polamalu. That guy was so fun to watch.
• The Patriots are not a dynasty, no matter how many times Phil Simms says they are. Winning 1 Super Bowl in the past 12 years, which is what the Patriots have done, does not make you a dynasty. The best regular season team in the league, yes. But not a dynasty.

Several weeks ago I predicted that the Patriots would win the Super Bowl, and it looks like I may be right. The only good thing about this is that I usually get a good chuckle out of Belichick's press conferences. I love the way he handles reporters, especially when they ask stupid questions. No one since Steven Wright has gotten so many laughs (from me, at least) from such a deadpan delivery.

So congratulations to Patriots fans - you have the best coach in the game, you play together as a team and deserved to win last night. As for us Steelers fans, we'll dry our tears with our Terrible Towels and hope that some changes are made.

Dear Adam West...

My birthday was a couple of weeks ago, and among my gifts from my wife were two books that I really wanted:

I'm looking forward to reading the Norm MacDonald book. The latest episode of Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee has him in it, and I had tears in my eyes from laughing when I watched it last night.

The other book, Back to the Batcave, is one I've wanted for a long time. My wife got it on Amazon, but then I mentioned that I was going to read it, sell it, and then buy a signed copy on Adamwest.com. So then she bought me a signed copy, which I'm glad she told me before I ordered one. But, I supposed there's nothing wrong with having two copies of Adam West's signed book.

Last night, I did something I've never done before: I wrote a letter to a celebrity. I felt like Marcia Brady writing to Davy Jones. I sent an email to the Adam West site telling him how much my son and I like Batman and that I'm enjoying his book. I included a link to a newspaper column I wrote about Batman three years ago, mentioning that it got picked up by MeTV.

Now, I don't expect to hear back from Adam West, and I certainly don't expect him to stop by my  house like Davy Jones did on the Brady Bunch. But it would be pretty cool if he did.

A Teacher First and other writing gigs

My new novel, A Teacher First, is now available on Amazon.com in print and as a Kindle edition. I realize that for many people the latest is always the greatest, but I really do believe that this is the best story I've written. Check it out and let me know if you agree.

I've been doing a lot of guest blogging lately. In September I had work published by Grown and Flown, Ripped Jeans and Bifocals, and Writers Weekly, as well as having one of my short stories appear in Page & Spine. I haven't written many short stories lately so I was happy to get one of the few I've written published. I have ideas for a couple others which I hope to write in the next month or so.

Because I've been having success in recent months with columns and essays, I'd like to focus more on this sort of thing. The problem is finding markets for my work. I'm sure I'll figure it all out, but it would be nice to get a regular gig writing for a couple of publications. Until then, though, I trudge on.

I'm off now to write another column. I've got Bruce Springsteen's The River on the turntable and a candle burning, so the creative juices are ready to flow (I hope). Hopefully it won't be another two months before my next blog post.

10 Albums I'd Want if Stranded on a Deserted Island

I used to wonder a lot about the 10 albums I'd want if I were stranded on a deserted island. I've spent a lot of time thinking about this, and my list has changed as my musical tastes have changed over the years.

Of course, I'd have to start with a couple of Beatles albums. I'd probably go with Abbey Road and Revolver.

But then I thought that I may want the White Album, which led to wondering if that counted as one album or two because it's a double album. I'd want something tropical and sunny, because I'm on a tropical island, and so I'd take Jimmy Buffett's Greatest Hits and the Beach Boys Endless Summer (again, a double album, so does it count as one or two).

I'd also probably take Journey Escape, Eagles Hotel California and Bruce Springsteen's The River (a third double album). For harder rock, I'd take Van Halen Women and Children First, AC/DC Highway to Hell and Guns & Roses Appetite For Destruction.

 Due to the double album question, I have no idea how many choices I have left, but I know I'd also want The Masterplan and Definitely Maybe by Oasis and Just Enough Education to Perform by Stereophonics.

I'm not sure if these last ones were even released on vinyl, so I then wondered if I would be allowed to have a CD player instead of a record player. This would solve my double album problem, because a double album takes up only one CD, allowing me to take most of my choices to a deserted island. And would it be possible for me to bring 20, or even 15? Because 10 just isn't enough.

Then I realized that regardless of which choice I made, I wouldn't have electricity on a deserted island. Plus, would I have the foresight to pack a record player or CD player, and 10 albums or CD's? Doubtful. So even if I had the music, I'd have no way to play it.

Unless I was stranded with the Professor...

My graduation essay in Grown and Flown

It's sunny and 80 degrees and I'm sitting on the couch in my living room. Here in Maine we get about a dozen of these days per year, if we're lucky. I asked my son if he wanted to go to the lake but he said no. He's now in his room sorting his Pokeman cards. Oh well, he's focused and quiet. I may sit on the back deck and read. Or maybe I'll just take a nap.

I recently had an essay that I wrote about my son's high school graduation published on the website Grown and Flown. It's called Graduation and the Heart-Rending Optimism of Youth. I like this one, if I do say so myself (and I do). And here's a picture of the family after graduation:

I also had an essay accepted by the site Ripped Jeans and Bifocals, which I will share when it is published. I've apparently discovered the parenting / aging market. It's usually what I write about in my columns for the Sanford News, so it's really not a stretch for me.

Well, I think I'll go take that nap now. I will definitely not take so long between posts next time.

Lemmy documentary

I thought I would have a column in the Sanford News this week, but it won't be in the paper until next week or the week after. But I am still in the paper this week because my picture appears in an article on Goodall Library's book sale. So I'm really having a big month. Like George Costanza had the Summer of George, this might be my April of Gary!

I know, that was stupid. So last night I watched the documentary Lemmy, about Lemmy from Motorhead, of course. I love that the fathers of metal, guys like Ozzy and Lemmy, love the Beatles. Even today, they talk about them with awe. The best part of the documentary, to me, was near the beginning when they show Lemmy going to a record store to buy a Beatles box set. Then he said something really interesting, which I've heard before but most people don't realize. He said something like, "Most people think the Beatles were the nice guys and the Stones were the tough guys, but it was the other way around. The Beatles came from the streets of Liverpool, a really tough city, and the Stones came from middle class homes in the outskirts of London". That's basically what he said.

I'm reading a book by Elizabeth Strout, The Burgess Boys. I like that part of it is set in Maine, that's always interesting to me. Not all books set in Maine are good, but this one is.

How to Organize Your Short Stories

I've been writing and submitting short stories for about four or five years now. With each submission I send a short query letter and either attach my story or paste it in the email, depending on which they prefer. Many publications now use Submitable, which still involves the query letter and attaching or pasting the story.

Yesterday, for the first time ever, I made the mistake I've always worried about - I sent a story that did not match the query letter. The query begins, "I've attached a copy of my 1,200-word story, Late November... But instead of sending Late November, I sent a different story.

I'd estimate that I've written 40 to 50 short stories. I've had 14 published, which I consider a good percentage, although it could be better. With that many short stories, it's important to keep them well organized. It's easy, too.

First, I just create a new file in my Documents and title it "Short Stories". Pretty creative, I know. Then every story I read gets its own file, with the story, a query letter, and a list of submissions. The title of each file is the title of the story. So inside the file Late November, located in the Short Stories file, is the story Late November, the query letter, and the list of magazines I've submitted it to, along with the dates and the name of the editor it was addressed to.

I also keep a separate file titled Published Stories, inside the Short Stories folder. Every time a story gets accepted for publication, it goes to the Published Stories folder. Easy, and for me easy is usually better.

Some people use a program like Excel to keep track of all this, but those people are far more computer literate than I am. My way is organized and simple, and being organized is so important, especially if you start writing and submitting a lot of stories.

Recycling some old stories

I finished another edit of my novel. The title is A Teacher First. Final decision, as they say on 'Who Wants to be a Millionaire'. I really like the title now, whereas I was never really comfortable with the original title, Bring Back Coach Zim! I'm pretty satisfied with how the novel is looking.

I've also been doing some other writing lately, sort of. It's more like recycling some old writing. I've taken a short story I wrote about twelve years ago and rewritten it. It was poorly written but a pretty good story, in my opinion. One thing I've learned since then is how to tighten a story up. Now it's still a good story (I hope) and less poorly written. It'll be ready to submit to a few magazines by this weekend. I haven't had a short story published in two or three years, mainly because I haven't really written any for two or three years.

And I've wanted to write a few articles to submit to magazines but have been too busy (lazy). So I've taken a couple of columns that I wrote but never submitted to the Sanford News, tweaked them a little, and sent them out. I don't have a lot of faith in them, but you never know. They aren't bad, just not the best I've ever written.

I'm reading a book called Bang Your Head, about the rise and fall of heavy metal. It's good, I'm really enjoying it. And I've been reading a series of mystery novels, the Bernie and Chet series by Spencer Quinn, which I believe is a pen name for the author Peter Abrahams. Bernie is a private detective and Chet is his dog, and the stories are told from Chet's point of view. It's a good idea and really well done. I've read three of the books so far, I think there are a total of five.

Deciding on a title for my manuscript

I've only posted here once since September, which is not good. But I do have an excuse because I was writing my new novel. Don't believe me? Well, here it is: 

I finished the first draft last month and it will be ready to go by the end of the week. Where is it going? I'm not sure. Send to agents and publishers, or self-publish and try to market it? That's the question. It's really good and I like it a lot, so I'm happy with it.

Another question is the title. Here's a short description of the story:

Jim Zimmerman was once the best high school baseball player the state of Maine had ever seen. Now middle aged and known to everybody as Coach Zim, he’s the winningest high school coach in state history and everybody’s favorite history teacher. When he is unexpectedly fired from his coaching job by the school principal, a former teammate still harboring jealousy from high school, Coach Zim faces a future without baseball for the first time in his life.

 Before long a former player offers Coach Zim a dream job with the Red Sox organization. While pondering this job he finds himself helping a gay student who is being bullied and discovers that, inconceivable as it might seem, his work as a teacher may be more important than his work as a baseball coach.

That is a short and not very well-written description, but it gives an idea, at least. My problem is, do I title it Bring Back Coach Zim! or A Teacher First. It's been Bring Back Coach Zim! for a long time, but I just read a line in the story and thought A Teacher First sounded pretty good. So I'll decide soon. Any comments would be appreciated.

Modern Day Letter Writing

Wow, it's been almost 3 months since I've posted anything here. I guess that lets you know how exciting my life is.

I just finished reading The Wright Brothers, by David McCullough. Great book, very interesting and inspirational how two brothers with no knowledge or experience with aviation taught themselves to build a plane and fly it. Think of how different the world was barely a hundred years ago.

But what I found most interesting were the letters the Wrights wrote. I'm always fascinated by the letter writing from the 1800s and early 1900s. Whether it's Wilbur Wright or a Civil War soldier, most of the letter writers back then seem to have a greater mastery of the English language than most professional writers today (myself included, I'm afraid). And the letters were usually written in beautiful flowing cursive, unlike the hastily composed emails of today. Here's how a letter home from a travelling husband around 1900 might begin:

My Dearest Katherine,

Upon waking this morning I was most pleased to find the sun's warm rays caressing my face much as I hope to caress yours upon my return. I realize discretion would be the wise course, lest the children read this and laugh at their father's uncouth manner, yet I'm finding myself unable to err on the side of caution when proclaiming my adoration of and love for you, my wife.

And now, an email from a modern day husband:

Hey Kate, you wanna make sure you feed the dog? And don't let him have table scraps, they give him the shits.

It really is too bad that letter writing is a lost art.

I may change the title of my blog - any suggestions?

I'm thinking of changing the title of this blog. It has my name, which is nice, but it's Gary Sprague's Books, which I feel can be a bit confusing. My blog began as a way to talk about and market the books I've written, and since I'd never had a blog before that was the title I came up with. I'm bad with titles.

I don't seem to talk about my books a whole lot on here, though. I have pictures and links (which I hope everyone is taking advantage of) but I don't really talk about them that much. In fact, I mention my newspaper articles far more than my books.

The title also may give the idea that this is a book reviewing blog. I do give opinions on books that I've read, but that also isn't the main subject of this blog.

I guess the main subject is me. I could be like Donald Trump and name everything after myself. The title, every post, etc. Sounds funny, but I really may just call it Gary Sprague. I also like Gary Sprague, Writer. Or Gary Sprague's Blog. Those titles are pretty open ended and allow me to talk topics other than books without being confusing. And, again, they have my name.

One last title that I like is Mainely Writing, because I'm in Maine. For some reason, I like anything with Mainely in it. But then, that either sounds like I'm only talking about writing, or I'm only talking about Maine writing.

I don't know. If anyone has ideas, I'd love to hear them.

How sex caused me to lose my hair

Here's a story about how my son thinks that sex made me lose my hair:

A few months ago, my 9-year-old son told me that he knew all about sex and I didn't have to explain anything to him. I asked where he acquired this information and he said the playground. The same place we all learned it, I guess.

So I asked him to tell me what he'd heard, in the hopes that I might learn something. It's never too late, right? So he said that sex is when a man and a woman lay down together naked and one of them sticks their penis in the other one's butt. Which is about what I'd expect from third-grade sex experts.

I then explained to him what sex is and how it works (as much as I know, anyway). It was an awkward conversation. Then he asked, "What's the point? I mean, why would you even want to do that?" After saying that adults get feelings for each other and blah blah blah, I said, "Oh! It's to make children. The actual point of sex is to reproduce, or make children."

So yesterday, he was making fun of my lack of hair. I told him that I had plenty of hair before he was born (okay, I lied) and that it only started falling out when he was born. And then he asked, "Why, does sex make you lose your hair?"

Pretty clever, I thought.

Another one of his jokes about my hair:
Sam: Dad, do you think you'd be good in a club? I think you would be.
Me: Oh yeah? What kind of club?
Sam: Hair Club.